can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
