i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
