my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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