So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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