then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
