Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
