this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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