So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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