She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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