im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
