K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
