It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
