They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
