Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
