Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
