Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
