god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
