Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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