well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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