Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Be still, my beating vagina.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
