You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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