There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Randomize
