The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
