yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
