Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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