If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
