You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
