oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
