Three words: puerto rican gang bang
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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