just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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