Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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