Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My balls are so social today.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
