I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have already put on my inside pants.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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