he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
