Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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