worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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