is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
