i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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