When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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