I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There r osticjed everywhere
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
