no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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