America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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