Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
