that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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