She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
