just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
