i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Buhtt sex?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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