i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
