I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
