fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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