I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
