Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
