he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
